The Haunting of Sub Zero
by Overseerneversleeps
Summary: Ghosts from Sub Zero's past come to haunt him for all the awful things he has done. This is totall Halloween crack. As ridiculous as it sounds. Read and Review! T for suggestive themes.


_(Author's Note. I wrote this as a part of a running gag where I send Holiday themed fiction to a good friend of mine. This time I decided to post it for everyone's enjoyment. I'd like to dedicate this to my friend Poes Daughter. Thankyou for the encouragement. Happy Halloween everyone!)_

The Haunting of Sub-Zero

Sub-Zero, Grandmaster of the Lin Kuei Assassins, sat on his icy throne. He was incredibly bored. There wasn't a whole lot to do in the frosty temple, with the current Mortal Kombat Tournament being on hiatus. Ridiculous in his mind, who really caired if Shao Kahn and Shinnok got drunk and destroyed a whole city block? It was just Order Relm, no one liked it there anyway.

So there he sat, in his blue ninja garb, staring at the wall. Watching the ice melt... the cryomancer equivalent of watching paint dry.

Clunk.

"What was that?" He thought to himself. There wasn't supposed to be anyone here. The staff were all on vacation in the Bermuda Triangle. Or Tahiti, he wasn't sure. Either way, there wasn't sopposed to be anyone here.

He got up and quietly crept to the kitchen.

Clunk.

He heard it again. There was definitely something in there. What was that something? He didn't know, but it better not be another burglar. Or a crazed fan boy dressed up as him trying to sneak into his bedroom and hide under his bed. He shivered in terror. Those were the worst.

He flung open the door to the kitchen. It was a big room, with a huge refrigerator, a giant freezer, a microwave, a food processor, two toasters, a blender, and a six burner stove. No way was the Health Department going to shut him down.

He noticed something amiss as he walked in. The oven was open, and turned on. At first, he was going to blame the janitor, but he got fired for useing Sub Zero's personal toothbrush inappropriatly. He shivered at the thought of that.

Suddenly, before his very eyes, a cloud of smoke shot from within the oven. It hovered for a few seconds, then took a shape.

He immediatly recognized it. Black and grey armor, with a face obscuring helm. Tubes and electronics ran across its body, a body he could see through. It was a ghost, one he knew before its passing.

"Darth Vader! Why are you in my kitchen?" he exclaimed.

"I'm Smoke you dolt." the ghost answered dryly.

"Smoke, what are you doing in my kitchen?" he exclaimed, hoping he was right this time.

"I'm a ghost Sub-Zero, I'm here to haunt you!" he moaned. "You failed me, and got me turned into a cyborg."

"No I didn't! You said, 'Robots is cool' and decided to do it. You wanted to be one!" Subby returned. How was this his fault?

"You could have told me to slow my roll! You could have logically pointed out my faulty reasoning and changed my mind!" he whined back, "That's what real friends do!"

Suddenly, the burner on the stove lit up. From the flames conjured a robot in red.

"Sub Zero, I have come to haunt you!" this phantom moaned.

"Sektor!" he exclaimed, "But... why? Last time we talked, you said we were cool now! You apologized for breaking my ice-swan collection, and I apologized for getting drunk and throwing up on your birthday cake," he would call that petty even.

"And then you put a 'Kick Me' sign on my back, wich Shao Kahn used and I got impaled on a chandelier!" he yelled.

"Oh... yeah... uh... sorry," Sub Zero stuttered. He had forgotten Shao Kahn could never resist those.

The toster came on abruptly. Up poped a peice of toast. It swirled until it took the form of a yellow garbed ninja with a mask over his face.

"It is I, Scorpion, and I plan to haunt you also!" He announced, "You said you were great at releaving neck tension with your hands, insted you tore out my spine!" he hollered.

"But... I figured you were dead already so it didn't matter," he defended. How was he sopposed to know? The Ring Wraiths in Lord of the Rings only died if they got stabbed by a midget and a girl. Was he to just assume Scorpion was any different?

The refrigerator suddenly burst open. Standing in the door was a skinny girl with blue hair and a ninja mask. She was transparent like the rest, with an angry look in her eyes.

"Why did you let me freeze to death, Master?" she asked in a nasal voice.

"Wait... who are you?" Sub Zero replied, confused. He didn't know her...

"Its me! Frost! Your apprentice?" she answered, agrivated.

"No... that doesn't ring any bells..."

"The girl who tried to steal your Medallion and froze solid!" she shouted.

"Oh! You mean the creepy stalker who followed me around all the time and told people we were related, or a couple, wich confused and disgusted all my friends?"

"Uhhhh..." she stuttered.

"He's got a point." Sektor shrugged.

"Shut up you glorified Power Ranger!" Frost shouted.

"At least I didn't get ridiculous plastic surgery on my breasts!" he yelled back. Frost pouted.

"Jade said it would look good..."

Suddenly, the freezer shot open. First a gauntleted hand came out, and pulled the spectral figure up. He recognized the white haired samari any where.

"Hotaru!" Sub Zero exclaimed "Wait... I didn't do anything to you..."

"Why did you cut me in half? Now I spend the rest of eternity hearing jokes like 'pull yourself together Hotaru' or 'don't fall apart over this'. Why did you do that?"

"I... didn't," he explained, "Kenshi cut you in half, not me."

"Ohhh... well this is awkward. I guess I'll go haunt him instead..." he muttered, "Since you didn't cut me up, you want to go out for some fish and chips or something sometime?"

"Sure... whatever," he replied. It was sure to be awkward, with Sub Zero being friends with the guy who cut him in half. He could guess the_ 'why are you friends with that jerk' _conversation was sure to happen.

As Hotaru sank into the freezor, a black figure emerged. He could be Sub's twin, but dressed in black. His skin was like pitch, and his eyes white. It was his brother Noob.

"Heeey Bro! Wass'up homie! Thought I'd get in on the hauntings up in this heezy!" he shouted, throwing ridiculous hand signs.

"Your insufferable," Scorpion moaned.

"Lighten up brah! Life's a party!" Noob returned.

"Wich is why your dead," Scorpion said, rubbing his face.

"What did you die of, boredome?" he snorted.

"Your brother pulled out my spine!" he yelled.

"Let me guess, he gave you the whole 'I'm good at releaving neck tension speech'. Never fall for that home-dizzle"

Suddenly, the other toaster popped. This peice of toast spun, until it turned into a yellow robot.

"It is I Cyrax, and I too come to haunt you!" this robot said. Sub Zero rolled his eyes. Here we go again.

"I know! I know! Your still upset that I slept with your girlfriend, Kira. I got it."

"You know, it takes all the fun out of it when you say it first," he said, crossing his yellow arms.

"Look if it makes you feel any better, it wasn't that great. Actually it was sorta gross. She's a weirdo," the cryomancer shrugged.

"Actually... that does make me feel better. I thought it was just me," he said.

Their bonding moment was cut short when the food processor turned on. It opened and spewed out a gross looking peach like concoction.

It twirled and jiggled into the ghost of Baraka. The mutant demon was in fair shape considering the last time Sub Zero saw him.

"Was it really necessary to throw me through the grinder in the Slaughter House?" he asked in his proper, English accent.

"You tried to eat me!" Sub Zero shouted at the demonic ghost.

"Thats your fault! Don't wear pork flavoured cologne!" Baraka said back, "Everyone knows I can't resist that!"

"Its true, we do," Sektor butted in.

All the phantoms looked at him with there vacant eyes, looks of rage on there faces.

"We are going to haunt you for all eternity!" They all yelled, laughing maniacally.

"Wait, wait!" Sub Zero said, holding up his hands, "you don't have to do this! Your all here because I did something terrible to you, right? What if I made it even?"

"That would have to be something pretty good," Smoke said, leering suspiciously.

"Ok look," he jammed his hands in his pockets and pulled out some slips of paper,bI have coupons for Bo Ri Cho's Crab Palace, in Outworld, for a free meal for two and a show!"

"Wow! Thats a great deal!" Cyrax shouted in excitement.

"It really is, that place is so expensive," Sektor confermed.

"I know! $70.95 for two plates on lobster thermidor! Its crazy," Frost complained.

"You get what you pay for though," Baraka said. Everyone nodded.

"Alright! We'll take your deal," Scorpion said, "and we won't haunt you, except on the sixth of every month... we ghosts get board,"

"Alright, thats fair," Sub Zero shrugged. Not a bad trade off. The coupons poofed out of his hand, and into the hands of the specters.

"See you next week!" they all shouted in unison.

In puffs of smoke, they drifted into their various appliances, and dissipated.

Sub Zero snapped his finger and smiled. He wondered when they would figure out those coupons were expired. He had fooled them all again.


End file.
